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The Evster

  1. The Evster’s NBA Playoff Preview

    Apr 18, 2014, 8:24 AM EDT


    This is not an NBA Playoff preview. I don’t know why I called it that. I guess I figured no one would click on a link titled “Some Things The Evster Felt Like Talking About This Week on a Blog That Actually Pays Him to Write Stuff.” But then again, it’s not like you think you’re about to get legit…

  2. The Evster and Enrico head over to the Frozen Four

    Apr 11, 2014, 8:22 AM EDT


    Late Thursday afternoon, Enrico scored two free tickets to the Frozen Four at the Wells Fargo Center. Knowing I’m a huge hockey fan — and have literally never had plans on a weeknight — he asked me to tag along. The following is a minute by minute report of what took place. Pregame: We are…

  3. The Evster compares Don Baylor’s broken femur to other excruciating sports injuries

    Apr 4, 2014, 8:25 AM EDT

    Don Baylor, Vladimir Guerrero

    Earlier this week, Don Baylor (the same Don Baylor who hit 338 career home runs and once ate an entire live turkey on late night television) broke his goddamn femur attempting to catch a ceremonial first pitch. (If you haven’t seen the video of Baylor’s leg exploding, you can watch it here.) Baylor reached behind him…

  4. The Evster finds the best Sixers posters EVER

    Mar 28, 2014, 8:22 AM EDT


    Here’s a sneak peek into how things work at The 700 Levvy: Every Thursday afternoon, I email Enrico telling him I have NO IDEA what I’m gonna write about for this week’s post and every week he responds by saying “ummmm” and “durrrrrrr” and “I don’t know what you should write about either.” Then, after some lousy ideas are…

  5. The Evster puts together the all-time most annoying Duke basketball team

    Mar 21, 2014, 8:22 AM EDT


    Everyone should love Duke basketball. Obviously we don’t — because Duke players constantly suck their own butts — but we should. They play tough defense. They bomb threes. And they sometimes have a mega-ram-bam ram-jammer who does nothing but ram. (Basically I’m just talking about Mason Plumlee here, but you know what I’m saying.) And…

  6. The Evster checks in with Ben Revere’s Twitter account

    Mar 14, 2014, 8:13 AM EDT

    ben ice cream

    When I was around 10 years old, I bumped into former Sixer and all-around terrible basketball player, Bob Thornton, at the Acme on City Line Ave. No seriously, I walked right into him. Like, right into his leg. I was looking for Skittles and he was waiting in line to buy ice cream and a…

  7. The Evster compares the Sixers’ players to NBA dudes who know how to actually play basketball

    Mar 7, 2014, 9:16 AM EDT

    (well at least he's got that skill)

    My favorite thing on the internet these days (besides this dude tryna dunk from the foul line) are the NBA player comparisons on If you’re not familiar with this website, YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE EVERYTHING YOU’RE DOING IN YOUR STUPID, BORING LIFE, breaks down NBA Prospects by comparing them to current and former…

  8. The Evster checks in on that Iranian rebounder dude the Sixers drafted

    Feb 28, 2014, 8:15 AM EDT

    arsalan reverse wicker

    On Wednesday night, the Sixers trotted out a starting lineup that consisted of Michael Carter-Williams, Thaddeus Young, one of those blue velcro shoes that they give to old people recovering from foot surgery, a child in an overcoat, and an abandoned building from 24th and Lehigh. Not exactly the best NBA team to ever take…

  9. The Evster analyzes the hottest (and 13th best) figure skater of the Olympics

    Feb 21, 2014, 8:12 AM EDT

    Olympics Ice Skating in Sochi02

    Look, this is not the first time that the world has fallen in love with a figure skater. In 1988, it was Katarina Witt and her perfect OH MY GAWD. In 1992, it was Nancy Kerrigan and her really clean hair. In ’98, it was my college girlfriend who could literally jam a whole ice skate inside of her…

  10. The Evster breaks down the new Hollis Thomas ski jumping car commercial

    Feb 14, 2014, 8:14 AM EDT

    front with words

    Forget about Bob Costas’s eyeball and Shaun White’s earring, the true story of these Winter Games has been the new Videon Chrysler Dodge & Jeep commercial featuring former Eagle and current ski-jumper, Hollis Thomas. If you haven’t seen the spot yet, you are living a goddamn lie. Take the 30 seconds out of your stupid,…

  11. The Evster’s Super Duper Olympics Survey!

    Feb 7, 2014, 8:16 AM EDT


    ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MEATBALLS THE OLYMPICS?! Seriously, how awesome are meatballs the Olympics?! Take this survey or just forget about it and go get some meatballs to see if you are a certified Winter Olympics SUPERFAN! Ready?! WHO CARES! What are your thoughts on five-time Olympic gold medalist, Bonnie Blair? a) Amazing athlete,…

  12. The Evster’s Super Bowl Punter Breakdown

    Jan 31, 2014, 8:11 AM EDT

    jr hair

    This year, Demaryious Thomas led the Broncos with 92 catches for 1,430 yards and 14 touchdowns, but do you know how many punts he had land inside the 20? ZERO. In the NFC Championship game, Russell Wilson threw a go-ahead 4th-quarter touchdown, but where was he when the Seahawks were forced to punt on 4th and…

  13. The Evster breaks down the 1989-90 Sixers team photo

    Jan 24, 2014, 8:22 AM EDT

    dawk good

    This April marks the 24th anniversary of the 1989-90 Atlantic Division Champion Thump ‘n Bump Philadelphia 76ers. Now obviously, a 25th anniversary celebration would make more sense, but after googling “Da Golden Child Kurt Nimphius” and finding the team photo above, I couldn’t wait another year to write this article. Forget about Grantland’s oral histories…

  14. The Evster spends a day reffing 6th grade girls basketball

    Jan 17, 2014, 8:15 AM EDT


    It’s not easy to take your pants off in the driver’s seat of a 1999 Nissan Altima. But for some reason, that’s what I chose to do on a cold, January morning, in the parking lot of a local suburban high school. Relax, the lot was pretty much empty — except for one beat-up station…

  15. The Evster: The best (and worst) feelings in sports

    Jan 10, 2014, 8:11 AM EDT

    wiffle ball

    Sadly, most of us will never dunk on a dude’s neck. Or turn on an inside fastball and send it over the Green Monster. But for some stupid reason, we still love to compete. From skating on ice that’s just been Zamboni’ed to having Wes Welker fall to the 6th round of your draft, these…

  16. The Evster: What kinda name is Drew Brees anyway?

    Jan 3, 2014, 8:02 AM EDT


    Ready for some quick, mind-blowing, knock-your-balls-off Evster research? The name Drew is of Welsh origin meaning “wise” (seriously, I looked it up), so it’s only fitting that Drew Brees would grow up to be one of football’s all-time smartest quarterbacks. Strong arm? Sure. Accurate? Absolutely. Lame haircut? You know it. But what sets Drew apart…

  17. The Evster remembers the Southwest Philly Floater

    Dec 27, 2013, 7:55 AM EDT

    Image (4) 1004023.jpg for post 835715

    Earlier this week, The 700 Level named the Southwest Philly Floater as our #1 favorite Philly sports moment of the year. Now while you can argue that the Snow Bowl was more epic, or that Spencer Hawes not sucking was more mind-blowing, there was no play — or post game interview — that was any…

  18. The Evster’s Guide to Hating the Bears

    Dec 20, 2013, 8:02 AM EDT

    Bill Murray

    When I say, “KILL!” you say, “BEARS!” KILL! BEARS! KILL! Welllllllllllll, I sort of really like bears. Both the animal and the football team. They’re so furry and cuddly, and have never changed their helmets, and even though Philly fans are supposed to be the ANGRIEST fans around, it’s kinda hard to hate a city…

  19. The Evster reviews Wawa’s new Turkey Club Sandwich

    Dec 13, 2013, 7:55 AM EDT

    sand 22222

    It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment when Wawa took over the world. Some people claim it was right after they developed the Sizzli. Others argue it was when they got into the petroleum biz, and everyone was like, “Wawa has oil?! I thought they just owned some cows.” Personally, I think Wawa changed the…

  20. The Evster breaks down this year’s Heisman hopefuls

    Dec 6, 2013, 7:11 AM EDT


    Everyone loves a Heisman winner (except Rashaan Salaam, that guy sucked). And next Saturday night, another strapping, brooding, virile young man will join college football’s most exclusive fraternity. Soon after, the new Heisman winner will have his oil-painted portrait hung up alongside some of the finest competitors to ever play the game: like Nile Kinnick,…

  21. The Evster’s tips for having a nice time while playing football on Thanksgiving

    Nov 22, 2013, 7:15 AM EDT

    turkey bowlllllll

    On Thanksgiving day, idiots all across America will lube up with Ben Gay and attempt to play some sort of game that kind of resembles football. Most games will be intense, some will be a nightmare, all will feature at least one dickhead who insists on punting the ball during warmups. I’ve never understood why…

  22. The Evster: the Sixers are cool but the Wells Fargo Center still kinda sucks

    Nov 15, 2013, 7:22 AM EDT


    Don’t let the Sixers fool you. Despite their bonkers start, this organization is still completely and totally incompetent. I love Evan Turner, and I would jam my tongue into Michael Carter Williams’s mouth, and I am almost, almost, almost ready to cheer when Spencer Hawes makes a three-pointer, but this team still has a lot…

  23. The Evster reviews NFL Network’s ‘The Football Life: Randall Cunningham’

    Nov 8, 2013, 7:30 AM EDT

    RC JC

    Growing up, no one, and I mean NO ONE, made me lose my shit more than Randall Cunningham. Not Shawn Kemp. Not Frank Drebin. Not even the lovely ladies of Hustler magazine and their knee-high tube socks. Randall Cunningham was The Ultimate Weapon Bonkers Machine. So when I heard that the NFL Network was going to…

  24. The Evster highlights some of Tim McCarver’s best Tim McCarverisms

    Oct 29, 2013, 12:35 PM EDT


    Broadcasting SUPER LEGEND Tim McCarver is retiring after this World Series, which means we only have a few more games to soak in his greatness. As of now, it is unclear who Fox will bring on as next season’s color analyst. Rumor has it they’re grooming John Smoltz to take over, while other reports say…

  25. The Evster: 8 reasons why the Sixers should, no MUST, trade for Charlie Villanueva

    Oct 22, 2013, 11:00 AM EDT

    charlie smooth

    “If you’re going to suck butt, you might as well have fun doing it.” – Martha Washington We get it, Sam Hinkie. We really do. 0-82 … Tankapalooza … Andrew Wiggins 4 Lyfe. And we’re on board! We’re totally on board. But do the 2013-14 Sixers have to also be so incredibly boring?!?! Now that…