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Greg Dobbs Finds the Marlins’ Home Run Structure Quite Distracting

Mar 5, 2012, 2:15 PM EDT

They haven't played a game, and the Marlins new home run structure is already a problem. Former Phillie Greg Dobbs is especially miffed.

They haven’t even played a game, and it’s already a problem.

If you’ve somehow managed to avoid it (and we don’t know how you could have), feast your eyes on Miami’s fancy new home run…thing (pictured right). This bad boy, much like the Liberty Bell at Citizens Bank Park, is set to go off every time a Marlin goes yard this season.

Assuming, of course, Greg Dobbs doesn’t put a stop to the whole production before opening day.

Apparently, the structure’s placement, combined with the arm angle of a righthanded sidearm pitcher, causes legitimate problems for left-handed hitters.

Remember those “this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs” commercials? Well, this is a batter’s eye, and that thing in Miami is a batter’s eye on LSD.

Dobbs’ lament in the Miami Herald:

“If it is an issue, it can no longer be there,” warned Marlins utility player Greg Dobbs. “I won’t be the only left-handed hitter saying something. If other teams have a problem with it, they’re definitely going to voice their concern to the league.”

Marlins president David Samson is denying there’s any sort of problem, insisting that MLB officials cleared the structure after making sure it conformed to standards governing the rules of play.

Meanwhile, everyone who doesn’t have egg on their face considers this more than just an artistic mishap.

Miami reliever Steve Cishek, for example, seems pretty psyched (get it?). Cishek is not only a righthanded sidearmer, but he also stands on the right most part of the pitching rubber, closest to third base. This excerpt — from the aforementioned article in the Herald — is the entire situation in a nutshell:

[Cishek] said he welcomes any advantage he can get. If his pitches look to
left-handed hitters like they’re eggs popping out of one of the pink
flamingos painted on the sculpture, he’s not going to protest.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this summer, an event unlike any other, Greg Dobbs and Steve Cishek star in “Fear and Loathing in New Marlins Ballpark.”

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