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If Scott Hairston Only Played the Phillies, He’d Be an All-Star

Jul 6, 2012, 10:07 AM EDT

Scott Hairston's numbers against the Phillies are 65 percent better than his career averages. His slash line will make you nauseous.

You know those guys who are just wholly average save for their inexplicable magnificence against your favorite team?

Meet Scott Hairston.

A platooner with far better success off lefties than righties, Scott has never played a full season in his nine years in Major League Baseball, but routinely mashes the Phillies.  For reference, he’s the guy who went yard the last two games in a row off Cole Hamels and Cliff Lee.

So how much better is Hairston against the Phillies than against any other team? Become incredulous after the jump…

Career slash line: .245 / .302 / .466
In 40 games vs. the Phils: .306 / .336 / .685

Quick math shows that his lifetime .768 OPS jumps to a staggering 1.021 against the Phils. His tOPS+ reveals those batting numbers are 65 percent better than his career averages.

Against only one team has Hairston had more success, the St. Louis Cardinals, but that success is less sustained, coming in roughly 1/3 of the plate appearances (116 vs. PHI, 41 vs. STL).

Against last night’s starter Cole Hamels in particular, Hairston is 11-for-28 with five homers, four doubles, and nine RBI.

Alternate titles for this post included: “Scott Hairston, If Only We Were Kidding,” and “Scott Hairston, C’Mon Man, Seriously, What the F***”

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One other outlier (courtesy Elias): David Wright is the only player in Major League Baseball to have walk-off hits off both Mariano Rivera and Jonathan Papelbon.

And those are your feel-good notes of the morning.

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Previously:
>> Inside the Box Score: Scott Hairston is killing the Phillies [T7L]