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Philadelphia Phillies Exhaust Every Snarky Headline About Being Bad at Baseball

Jul 29, 2013, 9:13 AM EDT


This is Steve Susdorf. He plays for the Philadelphia Phillies.

The good news is the Phillies won’t lose today. The bad news is the Phillies stink.

If you weren’t paying attention over the weekend — and really, we hope you weren’t — the Phillies continued their downward spiral into irrelevance by getting swept at the hands of the Detroit Tigers and as a bonus shin-kick they capped it off in pathetically ugly fashion.

Their losing streak stands at 8 games, the Phils sit 11 games out in the East and 9.5 out in the wild card. The trade deadline is two days away. It may not have officially sunk, but the ship has taken water and there’s not enough life boats on board for everyone.

Let’s see what the guys have to say about the latest laughable loss.

Jonathan Papelbon:

“I definitely didn’t come here for this,” the Phillies’ closer told’s Todd Zolecki.

Oh. And:

“No, I would like to stay here. But if I’m going to have to put up with this year after year, then no, I don’t want to be here. Why would you? Why would anybody?”

He has a point for once.

Jimmy Rollins:

“If there’s a bottom, this has to be it,” said Jimmy Rollins. “I can’t imagine things getting worse than they have this past week, culminating the way they did today.”

Don’t be so sure.

Charlie Manuel:

Embarrassing? Ugly? Frightful? Go ahead and pick an adjective. Manager Charlie Manuel has a few of his own.

“When we play that bad, yeah, I’m upset. In some ways it’s embarrassing to me,” Manuel said. “We come to the ballpark every day to play and to play right and win the game. When we don’t play right and we play bad — very bad — it bothers me.”


I don’t really know what to add at this point. Zoo with Roy pretty much nailed it.

  1. Scott - Jul 29, 2013 at 9:22 AM

    Who would have thought Ben Revere carried this team…

  2. galasso2586 - Jul 29, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    So they start selling today, right? Move Michael Young and Paplebon for sure, then field offers for others.

  3. Brian - Jul 29, 2013 at 10:08 AM

    Man, I really hope Papelbonehead gets his wish and is gone by the end of the week.

    I’m so tired of hearing his bullshit.

    • Joe - Jul 29, 2013 at 11:01 AM

      Since when is the truth bullshit? Would you rather hear Rollins’ lame assed excuses when in reality he is one of the biggest problems

  4. nahroots - Jul 29, 2013 at 10:41 AM

    Aging closer with diminishing velocity for sale! Any Takers!?

    • willh888 - Jul 29, 2013 at 10:52 AM

      I’m only taking him if he’s expensive!

  5. Brett Morgen - Jul 29, 2013 at 11:39 AM

    “He has a point for once.” – referring to Papelbon

    Can you cite specific examples of Papelbon saying something which does not have a point? Oh yea that’s right you hate the guy and chastize him every chance you get because he dared to speak out against your liberal power hungry king. If it were up to Obama, only government employees would be allowed to own guns, the man is despicable. And Holder is up to his usual tricks, taking on Texas and calling them racist, like that disgrace of a human being knows ANYTHING about Texas, you shouldn’t have to have an ID to vote!

    • Enrico Campitelli Jr. - Jul 29, 2013 at 11:53 AM

      You okay, dude?

    • Mike - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:37 PM

      You might be the only person ever who I would encourage to listen to WIP more often.

      • Bret Morgen - Jul 29, 2013 at 2:48 PM

        LMAO, wow, typically Philly liberal, let me guess you think you’re smarter than WIP listeners? The terms “liberal” and “smart” don’t go together, see: Detriot. In a few years (or now, depending on how you look at it) see: Philly. Massive school closings and programs cut due to liberal malfeasance and incompetance.

      • Mike - Jul 29, 2013 at 5:22 PM

        Brent, I suggested that you listen to WIP because you are stupid. Most of the discussion on WIP is pretty stupid. So you might be the only person who could become smarter by listening to WIP.

        Once again, in case you missed it, I suggest that you listen to WIP because you are stupid.

        Let me simplify that for you.

        It’s because you are stupid.

    • 2sentz - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:55 PM

      Not one small phrase of what you wrote is remotely factually accurate. Please follow Paps to wherever he’s shipped off to, thanks from all of us.

      • Brett Morgen - Jul 29, 2013 at 2:49 PM

        Did you get your liberal feelings hurt when Papelbon went against your power hungry liberal establishment and dared to speak out against Obama?

      • 2sentz - Jul 29, 2013 at 3:02 PM

        Why you assuming I’m a ‘liberal’? Just because you spew false crap about Obama, or any other pol, on a sports blog? Get bent loser…

      • Brett Morgen - Jul 29, 2013 at 3:55 PM

        “Why you assuming I’m a ‘liberal’? Just because you spew false crap about Obama”
        - Because only liberals would use the phrase “Spew false crap about Obama”, that’s how I know. And you also became offended when I called you a liberal, which is a sign of a liberal-in-hiding. (For example, if your kid is on drugs, and you ask him if he’s on drugs, he will become angry, if he’s not he will calmy say no). Obama, Holder, Pelosi, and Clinton are a disgrace and I don’t want to see my country ravaged by irresponsible spending (of other people’s money, Obama’s Africa trip had a $100 taxpayer price tag), there will be massive inflation and unemployment unless Americans in this country educate themselves. Typical young Philly liberal’s response: “I don’t need to know anything about United States history, old people are racist!” I weep for our once great country.

      • 2sentz - Jul 29, 2013 at 4:08 PM

        And I fart in your general direction. You’re the smartest guy in your head. The rest of us visit sports blogs for sports. You think I’m angry? Dude I’m laughing my ass of at your idiocy.

        Here’s one example, using the smallest possible words: You actually believe Obama is “out to git yer guns”. So you obviously have no idea what his real position is, because you’ve never bothered to listen to his actual words, instead taking Rush-spin as gospel. If you start taking time to listen to both sides of complex subjects (not just guns, anything), you wouldn’t look like such a tool when you comment.

  6. Mikeyg2012 - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:22 PM

    Oops my mistake thought this was a baseball thread – am I on a Fox news thread?

    • Brett Morgen - Jul 29, 2013 at 3:58 PM

      Liberal moderators deleted my comment again, “we’re smarter than WIP listeners” – no, actually no you are not at all.

      • Enrico Campitelli Jr. - Jul 29, 2013 at 4:03 PM

        They’re being marked as spam.

  7. Mike - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:08 PM

    Hey, at least this time, all he did was SAY that the team should be blown up.

  8. BenE. - Jul 30, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    I’ll finally say what I’ve been thinking for a while: it’s about time you guys turn this site into a political blog. Don’t miss your true calling. Strike while the iron is hot my brothas!

  9. lewis - Aug 1, 2013 at 12:06 AM

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  11. 2sentz - Jul 29, 2013 at 3:05 PM

    Please misspell the word “incompetent” again, that was my favorite part.


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