May 10, 2013, 11:49 AM EST
If you’re not on Twitter yet, then you’re living a lie.
Between Coco tweeting out pics of her bonkers bazooka butt, Rob Delaney’s absurdity and Richard Simmons’ zest for absolutely everything (he’s going to the movies today!), Twitter is by far the best thing going in this world. Even better than Federal Donuts. Yep, I said it. I SAID IT.
And the best thing about Twitter (slightly better than the bazooka butts) is getting to see what our favorite athletes are up to ALL THE TIME.
What a world we live in!
Wanna know what Shaq’s eating for breakfast? IT’S ON TWITTER! Wanna tell Bubby Brister that he can suck your butt? HE’S ON TWITTER! Wanna keep track of what Desean Jackson is doing this off-season? THAT WAS SIMPLY A RHETORICAL QUESTION SO I COULD TRANSITION INTO WHAT THIS WHOLE BLOG POST IS ABOUT!
So without further adieu, let’s check in our main man, D-Jax.
Oh, you know, just the Eagles #1 playmaker tweeting pictures of himself with his “Snoopie app.” No big deal. Just a two-time Pro Bowler, rap label entrepreneur and all around P.I.M.P. instagramming pictures of himself LOOKIN’ HARD AS A MUHGGG while rockin’ blue shades and cartoon diamonds!!!
Ugh, you’re so damn cute, Desean, even though you spelled Snoopie wrong. Who am I kidding? That somehow makes you even cuter! I love you D-Jax. I’m downloading this app immediately. Also I had no problem with you falling backwards into the end zone that one time. THAT WUZ DOPE.
Okay, first of all, no one b like dat. I’m sorry Desean, I’m your biggest supporter, but there is no person in this world, NO PERSON IN THIS WORLD, who b like “Jac keep it ROLLEN tho”. Trust me on this, D-Jax, trust me. I know there’s a lot of people out there who love you, and a couple of people out there who understand what the hell you’re talking about, but I assure you, no one b like dat.
This picture is fascinating in so many ways.
First of all, the Orlando Magic are beating the Chicago Bulls?!?! In Chicago?!?! And they’re using the old squads, so someone is playing with MJ, and they’re still losing to Michael Doleac and the Magic?!?!?
Second of all, what the hell is Desean Jax doin’ hangin’ out with Chris Brown?!?! That guy is SCUM. Desean! Stay away from him! Bruno Mars prolly likes video games too!
You gotta figure that the dude in the upper right hand corner has to be using the Bulls, because he looks SO SAD. Chris Brown is just rollin’ him, wapping threes with Nick Anderson, wearing a dumb hat (WHO WEARS A WINTER HAT IN LAS VEGAS?), while Bill Wennington can’t hit a wide open 15-footer.
I could write about this picture for HOURS, but I’m gonna move on.
But before I do! Why is that guy on the Magic — possibly Bo Outlaw? — SO TIRED??? He’s bent over and pulling on his shorts!!! Put a sub in, dude! Ike Austin, maybe? Or Matt Harpring? Someone!!!
I’m proud of lil Cam too!!!
Although I think the buttons on his shirt might be messed up.
What’s up with his collar?
I love Twitterrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
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