Nov 23, 2012, 2:23 PM EDT
Naturally, the Eagles were a hot topic at Thanksgiving
dinner yesterday. The conversation starters ranged from your typical So what’s
wrong with the Eagles? and Are Andy Reid and Michael Vick gone at the end of
the year? to the almost sympathetic Did you actually have to watch that game
against the Redskins on Sunday?
That last question was easy – Robert Griffin is on my
fantasy team, of course I was watching!
Anyway, the Eagles being a terrible football team has led to
some interesting lines of thought. When I’m not outwardly rooting for their
demise in the name of players I fake-coach, I often find myself wondering which
teams are still somhow worse than the Eagles.
Certainly not the ones with better records. Some pathetic,
aimless franchises have managed to make it to at least four wins already this year.
Would the Eagles beat the Jets? The Dolphins? The Bills? The Titans? I mean, I
don’t know. They already lost to the Cowboys, Redskins, Lions, and Cardinals.
There are two more teams sitting at three wins with the
Birds: the Rams and the Raiders. Unlike Philly, the Rams have actually beaten
the Redskins and Cardinals, so the tie goes to St. Louis. And even though the Raiders have
only held one team under 22 points all season, there is almost no way the Eagles
are scoring that many points – they’ve only done it three times themselves.
That leaves only teams that somehow have worse records, and let’s
take them one at a time. Would the Eagles beat the Browns if they met again? Not a chance. Now that sanity has been restored in Jacksonville and Chad Henne is the
starting quarterback, are they still worse than Philly? We shall see. Carolina
will actually have the opportunity to prove they’re a better team on Monday
night. Prepare the antidepressants.
Should the Panthers win, that would leave just the Chiefs. Ah, the trusty Chiefs. They are the
one team remaining in the NFL right now I am still confident the Eagles could
beat, with their one win this season, and their almost charming Matt Cassel/Brady Quinn
quarterback controversy playing out for all the world to ignore. It’s literally the only
franchise an Eagles fan can comfortably point and laugh at without fear of
somebody turning it around on them.
There’s something to hang your hat on. The Eagles are not
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