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Unleash Your Inner Hextall This Valentine’s Day

Feb 14, 2013, 9:32 AM EDT

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With today being Valentine’s day and with the growing trend of legendary Flyers goalies sharing their one-of-a-kind love advice, we have a special note for you lovers from none other than former Flyer great Ron Hextall.

Okay dorks, listen up. Let’s forget my career with the Philadelphia Flyers. The goals I scored, the clanging of pipes, giving Chris Chelios nitemares for the rest of his life.  Even though these  events have opened many doors and won me a Stanley Cup with Flyers West, I am here to introduce you to another side of me. The human side of me. The passionate side. The cuddly side: the “Ron”.

I have been to the very top. The top of Rock. The top of Ol Smokey. The very top of a pile of 1988 Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders. But I’m telling you, we are meant for so much more. If you make the active decision to unleash your inner “Ron”, to face your doubts, to get in there and cuddle up with your fear monsters, you too can accomplish your goals.

If you think fear and risk are behind us, or if you think Kjell Samuellsson and Mark Howe are going to stop everything before they get to you, you couldn’t be more wrong.

On December 31st, 2011, I took one of the biggest risks to date.

Let me paint this picture for you. You are at Dalessandro’s in Roxborough. It’s crowded.  It’s cramped. It smells delicious.  In walks Scott Stevens, Ken Daneyko and Claude Lemieux.  They look angry.  They keep asking for “steaks with cheese”.  Ken Daneyko starts getting angry. Drinks are spilled and babies start crying. Those three Devils just laugh and laugh and laugh. I knew it was up to me to set these idiots from East Rutherford straight. There was nothing else I could do.

I ad no choice but to let me “Ron” take over and unleash my inner passion. These fools in that tiny cheesesteak were about to learn a lesson only Ron Hextall could teach them. I got up from my stool, put on my waffle and glove and danced. for. my. life. I danced until I couldn’t feel my legs. Leg spins, Harlem shakes, pirouettes, everything. The inner “Ron” was released that day in Roxborough. I danced until the world faded and all that was left was me and the music.

The Devils ran, and I can still hear Scott Steven’s whimpering cries as he sped off in his IROC. I did it.  I saved the day. I, Ron Hextall, was a hero. I accomplished something that only a performance of that stature would provide; not thinking about it, not dreaming it, but doing it.

The “Ron” would not let my fear of the unknown hold me back, and I reaped the greatest benefits…and also the best cheesesteak.

Now that I’ve set the tone, revealed my goal to help people find their inner Ron, I’d like to turn my focus to the month of February and Valentine’s Day.

For some, Valentine’s Day is a game 7 victory over the Boston Bruins after being down three games to none. For others, it’s a soft Patrick Kane goal through the five hole.

Being that I’m the one and only Ron Hextall. The master of the mustache. The good, better and best goalie in all the land, I have the same message for both types of people:  Find your “Ron”.

If you are single, allow yourself to do some inner-searching and find the person that you want to be (read: Me) so you are ready and willing to share the next Flyers game and some ice cold brewskies when the time comes. Remember, happy feelings will attract happy PECO power plays.

For those of you that are in a relationship, let your partner be their own Ron. Yes, you read that right. All of you who are in love are now in love with me, Ron Hextall. Don’t restrict your partner. Let them fulfill who they are as an individual; especially if it means dancing uncontrollably and cuddling up with a Phillie Phanatic pillow pet. If you love your Ron, let them go, let them do, they will explore and be their own Ron Hextall.  This is the only way the bond between two Ron Hextalls can become stronger.

Don’t leash them, don’t cage them, just have fun. And do it together. And with your neighbors. And maybe the milkman. And maybe Steve Coates.

Stay horny, my friends.

-The Most Interesting Man in Philadelphia Named Ron Hextall

Ron Hextall