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Jerry Jones Has ‘Brain of a 40-Year-Old,’ Cowboys Got the ‘Secret Sauce’

Aug 29, 2013, 12:55 PM EDT


Word to the elderly: this is not the way to convince people you are still as sharp as you used to be.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones desperately wants season-ticket holders and fans to believe he hasn’t been running the football operations into the ground for the better part of the last 15 years. You know whose word they should take? Jones’ doctors’, of course.

Jones may be 70, but he’s got the brain of a 40-year-old according to some recent CAT scans. Doctors were so impressed by Jerry’s brain, they had to drop all of the life-saving they were in the middle of to pat him on the back and tell him he’s a big boy. Rainer Sabin of The Dallas Morning News has the scoop:

“I’ve been told that I have, by CAT Scans, that it’s like the brain of a 40-year-old,” Jones crowed. “…The guy really did not know it was me. I was there anonymously. He said, ‘And so I just wanted to come down. I saw your chart. I know how old you are. That part is really impressive.’”

“I know more about what I’m doing than hopefully I did 25 years ago,” he said, referring to the time he entered the NFL as an owner.

Even if this quaint anecdote is completely accurate down to the most minute detail, doesn’t he just sound crazy bragging about it? It’s not like being able to locate your car keys without searching around the house for 30 minutes makes you an expert at running a football team – clearly.

In a somewhat related story, Sabin points out Jones’ son Stephen – the Cowboys’ executive vice president – spouts moderately humorous oddball metaphors as well. He thinks the front office has found the… heh… key ingredient to win a championship this year.

“We’re convinced we’ve got the secret sauce to put this thing back together again and win championships,” Jones said. “We can always be better. We look for ways to be better. We do that both on the field and off the field.”

Are they building burgers or a football team down in Dallas? 40-year-old brain at the wheel or not, sometimes it seems like they don’t know.

>> Jones says CT scan showed ‘brain of a 40-year-old’ [Dallas News]

  1. Mike - Aug 29, 2013 at 1:17 PM

    “‘And so I just wanted to come down. I saw your chart. I know how old you are. That part is really impressive, Ms Rivers”

  2. hitnrun - Aug 29, 2013 at 2:28 PM

    I know a lot of ~40 year olds who wouldn’t be good NFL GMs.

  3. DSD - Aug 30, 2013 at 5:12 AM

    The more I hear and analyze the Dallas the Cowboys, the more I’m convinced that they are going to finish last in the NFC East.

  4. dbrickashaw - Aug 30, 2013 at 9:52 AM

    “Brain of a 40 yr old”…that’s the type of propaganda you come to expect from Pyongyang, not the Dallas Cowboys. Although, when you think about it, the only difference between Kim Jong-Il and Jerry Jones is a bad hair cut.

  5. mark - Aug 30, 2013 at 11:53 AM

    40-year-old snake in the grass


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