Aug 28, 2012, 2:02 PM EST
My freshman year of college was a blur, but I do remember spending hours on end in other kids’ dorm rooms in Cheverus Hall playing 4-player Goldeneye for N64. Perhaps I should have spent more time working on my Freshman Writing Seminar so that I could learn to be creative enough to come up with an idea like NFL QBs as video game weapons. Or, maybe, I simply didn’t play enough video games.
SBNation’s Jon Bois came up with such a list. His weapon of choice for Eagles quarterback Mike Vick placed the mine directly on the sweet spot.
MICHAEL VICK, EAGLES:
Proximity mines (Goldeneye 007, Nintendo 64, 1997)
Allowing for proximity mines in a multiplayer Goldeneye 007 match was a statement of resignation. You go in thinking you’d be able to strategically plant mines in hallways and blind spots to brilliantly vanquish your opponent.
What really happens: you re-spawn next to the proximity mines, and your screen-looking friends instantly know where you are. You have no gun. You have five seconds until they find you. Oh God. Just throw the mines. Throw them everywhere. Doesn’t matter where.
Vick, as usual, will last about 10 seconds this season before he’s knocked out by a rib injury or something. But those are going to be a really, really fun 10 seconds. He’s going to blow everyone up and everyone is going to die.
Ah, the memories. It’s a damn interesting comparison as well.
Now, Bois clearly spent a whole lot more time playing video games than we did growing up. Half of the weapons selections for rival quarterbacks like Eli Manning and Tony Romo are from games we’ve never even heard of before, or only slightly remember.
It’s not your typical sports story, so that’s why we suggest you go check out the whole thing. Cam Newton’s weapons is pretty awesome. And all of the Zelda choices warm my heart like a fairy.
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