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Tastykakes, ranked

Oct 18, 2013, 9:25 AM EDT

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All Tastykakes are delicious. But all Tastykakes are not created equal. Some are just a bit more delicious than others. This is the order of deliciousness:

15. Anything sugar free

Just buy some carrot sticks.

14. Snowballs

Are they really pink? What kind of person buys these?

13. Dreamies

Twinkie’s step sister.

12. Chocolate Bells

These things are good but they’re just like a weird cupcake flipped over and more challenging to eat.

11. Honeybuns

Too much sugar.

10. Danish

Eh, who really wants to eat a Danish? Your grandmother? We’re not in Finland.

9. Cookie Bars (Oatmeal Raisin)

Surprisingly solid and easy to eat when you’re in a hurry without the mess. Reliable.

8. Tasty Klair

Listed this one out on it’s own because it’s technically one of the pies but has that doughnut vibe to it. The liquid goo is what I imagine the mystical foods in Nintendo’s Zelda taste like.

source:  7. Kandy Bar Kakes (Peanut Butter w/ actual Reese’s jawns)

These are new and what inspired these rankings. Went out last night and got the peanut butter kind and it was damn good. You get that familiar soft kakey inside with a nice chocolate crust but the gooey peanut butter center makes you melt. Very good.

6. Pies (Apple)

5. Chocolate Junior

Both the Chocolate Junior and Koffee Kake Junior are pretty banging but the chocolate clearly has the icing (also icing in the middle! so important) to even out all that kake. Must have a coffee or big glass of milk to get through one of these guys. The proportions of the cupcake are far superior as you’ll read below.

4. Rich frosted mini donuts (Chocolate)

Perfectly sized, well proportioned cake to icing, and easy to pop and eat on the go. Be weary of the powdered sugar because then your coworkers may think you have some yayo problem.

3. Krimpet (Butterscotch, obviously)

Sometimes it’s nice to feel like you’re sitting in third grade again eating your brown bagged lunch.

2. Peanut Butter Kandy Kake

One of Philadelphia’s gifts to the world.

1. Cream Filled Cupcake (chocolate cake, vanilla icing and filling)

The perfect mix of cake and icing on top with the super amazing bonus icing in the middle of the cupcake. The only thing wrong with these are the tough decision you are faced with on how to approach the ball of icing amazingness in the center. Do you save it to the end for one euphoric bite of icing ball? Or do you ration out a little piece of said icing surprise with each bite? Sometimes life’s decisions are not easy.

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*FULL DISCLOSURE*: This post was in no way sponsored by Tastykake but if anyone over there wants to send us cases of Tastykakes for this free advertising we can certainly get you our mailing address and highly encourage you to do so.

Post also inspired by this regional food rankings post over at Deadspin, Hamilton Nolan’s ranking of things like animals and fruit, and because my buddy The Evster live tweeted his eating of one of the new Kandy Kake Bars yesterday which inspired me to go out and purchase one of the peanut butter variety last night with a gallon of milk (2%).

  1. loud - Oct 18, 2013 at 11:16 PM

    Tastykake should send you a ton since they have extra cases sitting around being that the Flyers cant score this year.

    Reply
  2. themajor - Oct 19, 2013 at 7:30 AM

    I think you forgot a key component. Freezing them.

    Reply
  3. charlie d - Oct 19, 2013 at 5:29 PM

    “…..the super amazing bonus icing in the middle…..” My girlfriend has had the same question run through her head while giving me, um, you know.

    Reply
  4. micksview - Oct 20, 2013 at 10:44 AM

    Dont sleep on Dreamies. They are better than Twinkies

    Reply
  5. Les - Oct 20, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    My mom went for a job at Tastykake in the 1940′s. They had a huge billboard in their employment offices stating “NIGERS AND JEWS NEED NOT APPLY”. I know that times may have changed as laws have forced companies to be fair in their hiring practices, but attitudes in the fabric of the minds of the owners and senior management doesn’t change, it just gets “politically correct” for the sake of higher sales and profits. I don’t care how tasty their cakes are, I for one won’t support that company with my business.

    Reply
    • Handsome Pete - Oct 20, 2013 at 11:30 AM

      Good thing they sold the company a few years ago. Nothing stopping you now.

      Reply
  6. Martin Buggy - Oct 21, 2013 at 12:23 PM

    Actually the vanilla icing you speak of is “butter cream” icing and they are one of my favorites.

    Reply
  7. ken smith - Mar 4, 2014 at 5:31 PM

    I want tastykake brownies and can’t get them.why

    Reply

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