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The 2013 Super Bowl Commercials: These Weren’t Cheap

Feb 3, 2013, 11:14 PM EDT

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Some of them you liked. Some of them you disliked. Some of them you “got.” Some of them you didn’t “get.”

But all of them cost $4 million per 30 seconds of air time … plus their respective budgets.

Selected ads below.

Leon Sandcastle Is the New Jesus Shuttlesworth

Malik Rose loved it, but couldn’t say the same for that God/Ram/Farmers ad.



Red M&M Finally Explains What Meatloaf Never Would

Meatloaf claims the lyrics are unambiguous, but that he knew they would cause an issue. I’m not getting into it, just give me the red M&M crying and hugging something. I’m easy that way.

Oreos, and Is That the Library from the Breakfast Club?

It has to be right? Look at it. As stuff got more and more out of hand I thought for sure Paul Gleason was coming in at the end. Where were I miss you, Paul Gleason.

When Not-Sex Doesn’t Appeal: Congratulations GoDaddy

These two didn’t include the tease of nudity, and they’re the best two commercials GoDaddy has ever done. Give me something else — like Bar Raefeli and this guy. Guy killed it. Way to go, guy.

See also: YourBigIdea.co

Hey Amy Poehler Being All Amy Poehler

I remain unconvinced the Cloud isn’t the fore-bearer to the Matrix. You think that’s air you’re breathing?

Who Authorized the Budget for This?

And this. And to a lesser degree this.

Budweiser Is Trying, But Will You Do the Same?

Golden Wheat, Lime, Platinum and now Black Crown. The price point remains key. At some point, you’re either buying cheap beer or your spending a little more for something better. And if you’re spending a little more for something better — unless Bud has come up with a game-changer — you’re not buying their product. That said, I’m a beer snob.

Stevie Wonder Gets His Revenge for Your Jokes about His House

You could say their love of football blinded them. “That”ll do.” “Right.”

Two Things I’ll Never Get Tired Of

A Clydesdale on Super Bowl Sunday … and “Landslide.”

There Are Always Animals

And this year featured two separate ads with wolves: Old Spice wolves | Cars.com wolves.

The Doritos goat wasn’t bad either, but it underwhelmed compared to their past efforts.

Eat Great Even Late … in Life

There was a brief period of my life (Oct. 2011) where I only stopped playing Batman: Arkham City long enough to make it Taco Bell by 11:59 p.m. Two beef baja chalupas, a hardshell taco and an order of nachos and cheese. Consequently, I will never reach the age of those depicted in the ad above.

Samsung, as the expensive, postmodern alternative to Apple

Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen and LeBron James are all aware that they’re in a Super Bowl ad as they’re brainstorming ideas for a Super Bowl ad that they’re aware they’re in as they’re in it.

At two two minutes,  this one — assuming the link at the top was correct, and not counting the cash to Rudd, Rogen and Bron — set Samsung back $16 million.

And I think that’s the best place to leave it, because other than introducing a new product — a la Budweiser — that’s a lot of money for what seems an unclear benefit.

Admittedly, I have no background whatsoever in advertising. I just know that a nacho-cheese-chip producer is out $8 million, and it had no impact on how much I do or do not want a Dorito.

Your bests and worsts?