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The Evster: Watching a Game at the Linc. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Weirdos

Sep 20, 2013, 7:15 AM EDT

source:  According to a recent survey, research shows that 83% of NFL fans prefer to watch football games from the comfort of their own homes. Only 16% would rather view the game at a stadium while one person (me) prefers to watch while peering through a third story window outside of a Saint Joseph’s University sorority house. I’ll telling you man, you have not experienced true exhilaration until you’ve seen Shady McCoy break free into the secondary while you hang onto a tree branch from 35 feet up and pray that a young woman will remove her socks.

Despite my preferences, my wife and I bit the bullet last weekend and went down to the Linc for the home opener versus the Chargers. At the game, I enjoyed some of the many thrills that can only be experienced live and in person while also being reminded of why I hadn’t left my couch in roughly six years.

Below are just one guy’s opinions on the many pros and cons that come along with watching a game at the Linc.

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A Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader performs during the second half of an NFL football game against the Kansas City Chiefs, Thursday, Sept. 19, 2013. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

Pro:  Some Female Eagles Fans Are Wearing Some Really Short Shorts These Days

There have been a lot of amazing trends in the world of female fashion recently — from leggings to side boobs to convincing people that it’s socially acceptable to wear ballet flats everywhere — but in my opinion nothing compares to the shorts that basically show off the bottoms of women’s butts. While walking from the parking lot to our seats I must’ve seen at least seven or eight butts peeking out of women’s shorts which led me to almost walk into roughly seven or eight telephone poles. Unfortunately, the Eagles next home game is not until October 20th, so I guess bottom-butt-showing season is over, but for one sunny afternoon in early September it was a total butt-a-palooza down in South Philly.

Con:  Lotsa Dudes with Missing Teeth

I don’t know if this is a thing these days, like if gangs are making their members pull out their own teeth for solidarity or something, but I saw at least four or five South Philly dudes who had legit teeth missing from their mouths. I’m talkin’ like, their incisors, gone, just gone, leaving a gaping hole in their mouths and fear in my heart. At one point, after a long completion to an Eagles tight end, one guy from my section who must’ve had three or four teeth TOTAL, stood up, smiled wide and pointed to the Celek nameplate on the back of his jersey while yelling, “Celekkkkkk!!!” And, lemme tell ya, no one — and I mean, no one — had the guts to tell him that it was actually Zach Ertz who had just made the reception. As the toothless wonder continued to grin ear to ear and actually point to where Celek had signed his jersey, I began to find him equal parts terrifying and adorable.

great, great shot by enrico


Pro:  Seeing the Entire Field 

This has always been the best thing about going to the game (well, besides the whole short shorts thing): being able to see the plays develop right in front of your eyes. Even the most ignorant fan can feel like a guru when he/she sees Desean Jackson streaking down the sidelines with his arm held high, only to have Michael Vick scrambling out of the pocket in the exact wrong direction. Then everyone gets to scream stuff like, “How did he not seeeeeeee him?” completely forgetting that while we kick back in the stands, Michael Vick has seven 250-pound defenders trying to rip his skull off.

Con:  It is Nearly Impossible to Figure Out the Down and Distance 

At the Linc, there is one shafty old-school Spectrum-esque scoreboard that always keeps the down and distance, but it’s located in a spot where no human being would ever look for it. However, there’s also a giant rectangular, ridiculously colorful screen that hangs above the sidelines, but whenever you actually look at it, it’s flashing something stupid like “TEXT 45674 TO SIGN UP FOR NFL MOBILE” or “DIETZ & WATSON HAM IS THE OFFICIAL HAM OF THE HAMGLES” or “OKAY, EVSTER, WE GET THE POINT.” Trying to keep track of the game flow was probably the most frustrating part of my experience, except for when I couldn’t pee during halftime because I thought an 8-year-old kid was staring at my dork.

Pro:  Watching the Cars Go By on I-95

During a 3-hour NFL game, there is only about 1 minute and 47 seconds of actual game play. The rest of the time, the players are huddled up and catching their breath while fans are looking at their phones and trying to complete level 84 on Candy Crush Saga. But if you’re lucky enough to have a seat where you can see the highway, you can avoid this boredom by sitting back and watching the cars whiz by. I’ve never seen my wife so relaxed at a sporting event, just staring off into the Southwest corner like a newborn child. There’s a chance this was due to her mixing whiskey and percocets, but I think she just might be an in-the-closet gear head.

Con:  That Stupid Axe-Grinding Music They Play After EVERY DOWN

Doesn’t matter if the Eagles picked up a first down or were called for seven consecutive holding penalties, the Linc’s speakers blast metal jams after every play in an attempt to PUMP YOU UP. At times it worked our section into such a frenzy that one lady started screaming at Lane Johnson to “SHOVE SOMEBODY IN THEIR FAT STUPID FACE.” Personally, I find it a bit much, but I’m also a person who owns around 35 different Sounds of the Oceans CDs. I don’t like the whale sounds, though. The whale sounds are scary.

Pro:  The “Fly Eagles Fly” Song and “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!” Chant

On it’s own, the Fly Eagles Fly song is one of the lamest non-Neil-Diamond-recorded singles in the history of music, but when sung by 68,000 maniacs after an Eagles score, it’s super fun. Throw in that “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!” jawn at the end and you’ve got something SO MUCH BETTER than that stupid “J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! WHATEVER NEW YORKERS GET OVER YOURSELVES!” chant that is in no way similar to what we’re doing, nope, no way at all, completely different, ours is completely different.

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this guy does not like to keep it down

Con:  Everyone Just Constantly Yells

I totally forgot how loud people are at Eagles games. From pre-game tailgates to key third downs when the Eagles clearly aren’t getting off the field, every insane idiot in that stupid stadium is just always yelling all the time. I mean, I get it, I guess that the crowd really can have a negative effect on the opposition’s performance, but yo, can we all just calm down for like five quiet minutes? At one point during last week’s game, a dude with earrings in both of his ears turned around to me and yelled, “HOW THE EFF ARE WE LOSING, MAN?” to which I replied, “Hmmm, not really sure, maybe it’s because of the vast, chasmic hole in our secondary. Or could be the fact that the Chargers are currently 23 of 24 on third down conversions. But I’m not really sure. Maybe you should try to scream louder.” I mean, I obviously didn’t say that, I didn’t say anything. I just sorta shrugged and made a weird sound out of my nose, but he got the point. He totally got the point.

Pro:  So Many Obscure Throwback Eagles Jerseys

I was pleasantly surprised to see so many Eric Allen jerseys being worn at the Linc. I’ve always thought that dude deserves more respect. Byron Evans, too. And Clyde Simmons. Also Riley Cooper sucks so much ass.

Con:  Seeing People Ruin Their Perfectly Nice Jerseys by Having Their Own Names on the Back 

Wearing a personalized jersey that has your own name on the back is just a total waste. I mean, this is your opportunity to escape your own pathetic life for a few hours and morph into any athlete you want to be! I own a COREY SIMON jersey (a TJ Maxx $5 special) and when I put that baby on, I feel like I could eat 6 whole cheeseburgers and not shit my pants. Turns out I can’t, but I FEEL like I can, and so can you. So “Big Ron” or “Dingledowski” or whatever you’re thinking of getting stitched on your back, ditch that idea and head over to TJ Maxx pronto.

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recommended: encased meat over an open flame

Pro:  Tailgating

I’m totally lying. I hate tailgating. I only put that up there so that all the 700 Level readers who just skim these posts wouldn’t get mad at me for leaving tailgating out and blast me in the comments section. I’ve never understood how it’s fun to stand in a parking lot for hours at a time, getting sunburnt and developing skin cancer while trying to catch a football and hold a chicken wing at the same time. But if you guys love it, God bless ya. Just promise to please wear sunscreen.

Con:  Traffic, Man. Traffic. 

Ugh.

The Pro of All Pros:  Getting to Go Home

After a win, there is nothing better than walking down the ramp, high-fiving complete strangers and knowing that very soon you will be on your couch, passed out and drooling until the closing segment of 60 Minutes.

Follow the Evster @TVMWW.

  1. Omar - Sep 20, 2013 at 9:12 AM

    You’re supposed to yell and make noise on 3rd downs. C’mon man

    Reply
  2. I Like Cheap Beer - Sep 20, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    If your comming from points north, take the BSL from Fern Rock. Just make sure your friend drives, so it’s his car at risk.

    Reply
  3. philsoc8 - Sep 20, 2013 at 1:21 PM

    I most agree the I-95 point. You don’t realize how much dead time there is at an NFL game until you attend an NFL game. No wonder there are fights, just to break up the boredom and keep warm.
    Conversely, on tv all that space is taken up with replays, analysis, highlights from other games, and beer commercials.

    Reply
  4. SuperMutt - Sep 20, 2013 at 4:53 PM

    If it wasn’t for the cheerleaders, its not even worth going. 8 home game losses and were not anywhere near finished. The fans really do suck and always have. Their ignorant and sub-human. My lord, if your on the opposing team, don’t even get hurt. Only the Eagle players can grab their legs in pain come back in and run a hundred more yards to everyones cheers. The Eagles are cursed because of their fans. They will never win a Super Bowl ever. The last 50 plus years backs me up too.

    Reply
    • 2sentz - Sep 20, 2013 at 5:17 PM

      “The fans really do suck”.
      What a revealing observation dude, let me guess you’re the loser who also offers nuggets like, “all politicians suck” and “What happens in _____ stays in ____”. Your family must be proud.

      Reply
  5. Djac10 - Sep 21, 2013 at 9:50 AM

    CON: getting through security before the game. You need to allow 30-45min to wait in line.

    Also that guy screaming in that one picture is beyond annoying. He sits near my section and he never shuts up. He and his mom think they are part of the eagles pep squad or some shit

    Reply
    • Eaglesfan82 - Dec 3, 2013 at 3:43 PM

      First off my mother was killed in a tragic accident 4 years and is no longer here.

      Im sorry if I annoy you, but I pay a lot of hard earned money each week to go watch a team that I’m passionate about just like you do. I understand everyone pays a lot of money to go to these games and wants to enjoy it there way but If you wanna sit down in peace and analyze the game go buy box seats or stay home man. Its home field advantage for a reason, and I’m gonna keep being wild and having fun.

      #bleedgreen

      Reply
  6. cp1 - Sep 22, 2013 at 10:47 PM

    that article is pretty much you whining like a little girl

    Reply
  7. BringItHomeForJerome - Sep 23, 2013 at 1:32 PM

    “that article is pretty much you whining like a little girl”

    Being a “normal” season ticket holder since 1995(Lord I don’t know why), the article is pretty much SPOT ON!!! I’m to the point where I’ve seen the first 2 games at home, and I’m done for the season. We’ll have the remaining 6 games up for sale to recoup our ticket money. I think the disconnect started while driving back from Jacksonville after spending thousands only to watch the Birds lose. Then every year following, I got more and more detached, then letting Dawkins go and bringing in that POS Vick to this team was the final nail in my Eagles coffin. Andy Reid helped a bit too I might add. This team was more fun to watch back when Jerome, Reggie, Clyde, Byron, Randall, Jaws, Harold & Wilbert were playing, at least they seemed to care. I don’t even know who these overpaid bums are, that are more concerned with making rap videos and having Twitter fights, than they are playing a game, let alone trying to win. I won’t even start with the 90% lowlife that makes up the fan base, that have given Eagle fans a bad name since the 70s. Not all Eagle fans are drunken, uneducated, tooth missing slobs, but unfortunately, most are.

    Reply
    • 2sentz - Sep 26, 2013 at 9:03 AM

      That’s a lot of words to say “They’re fun to watch when they win”.

      If they were dominating the division would you care about their salary or rapping & twitter crap? Hell no. And a bit disingenuous to compare this group to the most entertaining teams ever (Wilbert, Reggie, Jax-SB squads). News flash, no team stays that awesome forever.

      Regarding fans, just like the other comments you’re still living in the 90s. Fans at the Vet were much worse than fans now. Selling $3500 SBL’s skimmed thousands of cretins from the stands and replaced them with white collar suburbanites & business owners. Sure they still boo unproductive mediocrity, but fights like last weekend’s are the exception and kids can now actually attend games. So consider ditching your wayback machine and enjoying the fun aspects of the day, or sell and move on in life.

      Reply

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