Tailgate food, ranked: Getting set for the Union home opener

PPL tailgates inspire me to get Instagram artsy.

For the better part of four seasons, the highlight of any Philadelphia Union home matchday has been the tailgate. Yes, tailgates are awesome, especially at PPL Park, but that's never a good sign for the team in question.

Judging from the team's first 90 minutes of the season, that may not be the case for Saturday's opener against the New England Revolution (4 p.m. - Comcast SportsNet). And that's a very good thing. 

We'll get to a quasi-actual breakdown of the match in tomorrow's usual matchday post, but first, the important stuff.

Earlier today, Enrico gave you six great beers to bring to PPL (the Tröegs Cultivator Helles Bock is a personal favorite). Now, we rank tailgate foods, in case you're still brainstorming ideas for the opener, and haven't fired up the crock pot just yet (trust me, there are people who already have).

5. Hot Dogs and Hamburgers

I love hot dogs. I love hamburgers. I enjoy them at a tailgate. That being said, they are the lazy-man(or woman)'s tailgate choice. Especially if you're just buying a case of frozen burgers at BJ's and tossing them on a grill.

If you go this route, however, at least get some legit cheese to put on top, and some rolls that aren't Kaisers twice as big as the burger.  And for god's sake, toast the rolls a bit. If you go homemade on the burgers (good for you!), make small slider-ish size patties. They cook quicker, and people can have more than one. And add some pork or sausage into your beef (trust me).

As for the hot dogs, just grab a knife and a piece of cheese to jazz things up a bit. Split the dog down the middle lengthwise and press it on the grill for a few minutes to get some crust on that jawn (hi, Philly.com!). Then flip it over, tear the piece of cheese in half and lay it in the little slot you've created. Let it melt a second, then slap it on a (toasted) bun.

NOTE: If you're putting a whiskey glaze and Dubliner cheese on your homemade burgers -- as someone in my tailgate crew is planning for Saturday -- all rankings are null and void. Be very jealous.

4. Dips and Appetizers

Bacon with sugar on top

Someone will always have the grilled meat planned out, but do you have anything to munch on while the grill heats up and four grownups try to erect a tent without putting down their beers? And no, a bag of Tostitos doesn't count.

If you're an occasional guest at a tailgate, this is the perfect thing to bring. You could do far worse than some Buffalo Chicken Dip, some homemade guacamole or some sort of 26-layer bean dip.

You could even go with some homemade hummus with pita and veggies (would make any vegetarians in the group happy, too), or really any recipe intended as an hors d'oeuvre. There are countless options that can be served at room temperature and can be made ahead of time.  My wife will kill me for saying this, because she hates this woman with the heat of a thousand suns, but Barefoot Contessa has lots of simple recipes that would be perfect.

Such as the BROWN SUGAR, MAPLE SYRUP AND PECAN CARAMELIZED BACON I'm making for tomorrow (again, be jealous).

NOTE: Find me in Lot A for a taste (I'm the guy by the river with a Sheanon Williams jersey). The password is "BACON."

Sausage and shrimp jambalaya

3. Chilis and Stews

Great for cold weather tailgates. Easy to serve. Easy to eat standing up. And you can pretty much put whatever the hell you want in it. Gumbo? Sure. Corned beef and cabbage (a likely favorite this weekend)? No doubt. Venison chili from the deer you offed last week? If that's your thing, go for it.

Not to mention, you get to do 100% of the cooking in your real kitchen with a real stove and knives and such. Then just dump the whole thing into a crock pot (if someone at your tailgate has a generator), or take your stockpot and plop it on the grill next to those burgers and dogs.

Easy. Filling. Delicious. (My favorite chili recipe currently - and no, you don't need a pressure cooker)

2. Anything Involving Sausage

Because, c'mon, there's no better food on earth. Grill them up on-site, throw them on a great roll with some onions and peppers, and you're done. Or, make some sausage and peppers ahead of time, add a little homemade red sauce, and bring it in a disposable baking tray. Warm it up, serve it on a roll (or even in a bowl), and call it a day.

Sausage tips: Get the good stuff, please. Big plus to anywhere that makes their own sausage (Whole Foods, etc.), but really just a good quality Italian sausage. Get a few hots and a few sweets to satisfy any taste.

Want to really wow the crowd? Try this insanely good jambalaya recipe.

1. Pulled Pork (or Beef Brisket) Sandwiches

This tailgate staple is a staple for a reason. Get your ingredients together the day before, set the slow cooker on the kitchen counter over night, maybe mix up a quick cole slaw (light or no mayo, please), and you're done.

Bring a bag of potato rolls, a jar of good vinegar-based BBQ sauce, and you'll be a hero. You get to feed a lot of people with an inexpensive cut of pork and very little effort. No stirring on the stove or even checking on the oven.

There really isn't such a thing as a bad pulled pork recipe, but here's my favorite, along with a quick no-cook sauce that is a perfect match.