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Reminder: The Marlins Clean-up Hitter Is Usually Placido Polanco Or Greg Dobbs

Apr 12, 2013, 1:14 PM EDT

Alternative Post Title: People Are Really Going to Start Freaking Out if the Phillies Lose a Series to the Marlins

Our friends over at Beerleaguer penned a post yesterday we’re kinda jealous of so we’ll just link you and send you their way. It’s titled “Breaking down the Marlins’ god-awfulness” and includes such gems as:

The Fish as a team have only scored more than three runs in a game
once this season, and even that was fluky — it came in a five-run
inning against the Mets that included an error and a passed ball.

The Marlins are hitting .217/.287/.283 as a team. When we say it
doesn’t get worse than that, it really doesn’t get worse than that. It’s
like facing a team full of Dee Gordons. (Gordon hit .228/.280/.281 last

Alternative Post Title 2: Don’t Pitch to Giancarlo Stanton Ever

And as a helpful guide, here are the guys who were in the Marlins’ last lineup on Wednesday. You should get to know them before you watch most of them play for the first time this evening:

Juan Pierre, LF*
Donovan Solano, 2B
Giancarlo Stanton, RF**
Placido Polanco, 3B*
Justin Ruggiano, CF
Miguel Olivo, C
Adeiny Hechavarria, SS***
Chris Valaika, 1B

*Remember him!?
**Does not suck at all
***Very tricky first name