Greg Johnson is a stand-up comedian in New York City. He appears every Friday night at 8 at Rififi in New York City. This past Friday, Greg celebrated two years of his show at Rififi in New York with guests Todd Barry, The Whitest Kids U Know, Sarah Silverman, and Arj Barker. He keeps a blog at gregjohnsononline.blogspot.com.
I've never once been to Philidelphia.
BUT I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
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Um, THE BEST!
Donovan. Relax. You'll win 2 rings.
You know that already. Genius. Don't seem too worried about it.
News
God. Love it. Philly, YOU'ZE THE MAN! You kidding me?!?
Ryan Howard? You kidding me?!? LOVE the Ryan Howard around the world shots....
Beautiful! That's classic. Rick. I'm gonna hyper link THE SH*T out of your site right now.
That's really chill. Do you guys take these? Or do different readers send these to you? Who took that one and sent it to you? Kruk?
That's definitely not Kruk.
Probably totally was Kruk who sent you that one picture. Those are totally his sneakers. The guy LOVES skating.
Kruk's really stepped it up over at Baseball Tonight. Didn't he used to be on "Best Damn?" God. "Best Damn" is The Worst. (Damn.) It's like Tom Arnold and John Salley sitting around drinking Pabst. And everyday, the guest is John Daly.
Leinart's like "why am I on Best Damn? Shouldn't I be slaying chicks right now?"
Reggie Bush is like "I never should have hired my cousin as my manager."
Eagles will work you both. The Freak would eat Matt Leinart's face as a snack with a triple bacon cheeseburger and a large fry.
YEAH WE KNOW WHO JEVON KEARSE IS! Thanks but no thanks, caption!
Big ups to The Freak!
Freak! Big ups!
I went to a party last night and a man there looked EXACTLY like Coach Reid. I'm pretty sure a couple of people took pictures with him, like, thinking it was him. It's a compliment anyways. Handsome man:
Shhhhhh! Genius at work!
Enrico and I went to school together. We met in 1999, when I owned him at a game of Fifa 98. From there, our relationship grew out of his respect and fear for my superior skills and imagination.
God I love that game.
To be fair to Enrico, I was an effing GENIUS playing that game. I was like NEO playing that game.
Loved Fifa 98. Enrico and I had that in common. Until I worked him. On his own Playstation no less. In front of a TON of girls. And the frat brothers who were going to accept him. And the RA who never bought him beer again. And Enrico's girlfriend dumped him (for me). It was sort of pathetic. I think I won 12-2. All true things. Rico can confirm.
It's so not important...(Enrico! It is so not important!)...What's important is Kruk. And Philly.
Philly!
Work it skyline! You show off! God, you are such a diva!
"You look PHENOMENAL tonight..."
Can't get over my man. Ryan Howard. Chosen one.
The guy hit the sign! Was that THE BEST?!? Who took that youtube video? It was probably The Pope or something. He was like "hold on. I think Ryan's about to jack one to the sign. I promised I'd tape this for youtube."
Ryan. Please. The pleasure's all ours
New Babe Ruth.
On his wikipedia page it says this:
Ryan James Howard (born November 19, 1979 in St. Louis, Missouri)...
You're already telling us things we already know?
...is a baseball player who plays for the Philadelphia Phillies, and is the reigning National League MVP.
Ummmmmmmm, YEAH. WE KNOW. OF COURSE HE IS!
Kid's jacked out of his mind.
All he knows is jacking bombs.
"GO Phillies."
More wikipedia:
Ryan Howard's profile is as follows: He is six feet, four inches tall and Howard weighs 242 pounds. While he is only 27 years old, he is participating in...
Wait. Whoa. Ummmm, who's writing this???
Cmon guys. Pick it up. Anyone can polish up that sh*t. Get on there.
Should read...
"Ryan is the manchild. Kid's destined to bring a ring and a couple more MVP's into the clubhouse. Philidelphia, meanwhile, is the greatest city of all time. So sick..."
(Or something to that effect.)
You kidding me?
If it aint broke don't fix it.
Ummm, AND IT AINT BROKE BY THE WAY! That was no dig. Look at that bell! Thing of beauty. Better than Mona Lisa. LOVE this town.
Love it!
Best food you could ever want to taste.
Untouchable!
Sure, not so sure what that means. But I'm down.
The Philidelphia wikpedia page says this:
Philadelphia is a major commercial, educational, and cultural center for the nation.
Um, tell us something we don't know!!!
Feel free not to leave out the fact that it's THE BALLS!
Love it!
Thing of beauty! Straight up Geometry!
Roosevelt Park must be so sick.
Love it!
Dear Rock. I love you.
Manchild.
Not as much as we love you, Rock!
Ummmm, MANCHILD!
Porn star! Literally, a porn star.
Love it.
Rocky Balboa? Jesus. So good. Saw it with my Dad and Uncle and brothers at Christmas. Obviously. We were like tossing chairs and high fiving towards the middle.
YEAH WE WERE!
Meanwhile, this girl was a nanny for a friend of mine when she was growing up. And I was like "oh man! She did a great job in that movie!"
And my friend was like "cool. I'll tell her you said that."
And I was like "I'll never wash these hands again."
Girl did do a great job.
"Fighter's gotta fight."
LOVE Rock. Philly KILLS IT on the big screen.
Girl's kinda mad hot almost.
That's not me. I wish it were.
Wait. Is that kid trying to punch Rock below the belt?! Cause if so...! That is NOT cool.
"You messing with Rock, kid? Cause we got a couple people here and we don't mind working you. For Philly..."
"NAAAAAA! I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU! Don't worry..."
"But seriously. Mess around
with the Rocky statue again. Find out what..." (third pic)
Not like I haven't cut anyone before for messing with Philly. Am I right? I'm 25 years old!
To re-iterate. Love The MVP:
Genius.
Love Coach:
Man's a braintrust. Thinking about Donovan. Thinking about his kids. Thinking about that ring this year.
Love Donovan:
PEOPLE THROW UP, OK? Jeesh. Lay off.
He was puking thinking about T.O.
That Owens kid. What a tumor.
Pull your head out.
T.O. Pull your head out.
Bill Parcells would have put a hit out that kid this Summer if he had had to coach him again.
Parcells would have beat the kid with a rod. Would have been the end.
Parcells was like "yo. you serious? Jerry Jones? Owens? SCREW THIS! Jeezy peezy. You serious? Jesus Mary...there is NO way..."
Tuna. Kill yourself.
Love Kruk.
Look at him! Love him.
WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT HIM!?
LOVE The Soul.
You LOVE arena ball.
What's not to love?
Riiiight.
Love The Soul.
HATE Bill Burr.
Baby.
NEVER liked any of these kids.
At all.
LOVE this. One of the classics. Chaney's a genius:
Love Will Smith. Doesn't get much better than Will Smith. Like, for real.
Kid beats Thomas!
That link is so fake! They're totally acting! Don't you think?
LOVE this:
Chris Rock says he looks at Will Smith's bigger house in Hollywood and says "Damn you, Will Smith!"
Love Chris Rock.
LOVE writing for THE 700 Level over here!
Love it.
Enough.
Is that Fred Ex?
Enough.
QUITE enough.
Keep it real this Summer. And straight on to mini-camp,