Fan Report: How to Survive a Flyers Playoff Loss

Our buddy Joe Manning went to the wretched Flyers game last night and has filed this Fan Report for us.
Yesterday, around
4pm, while I was still at work, I pulled a single seat in the upper
level for Game 6 of the Flyers / Capitals series. $92.75, with an
additional $3.50 charge inexplicably tacked on … for “will
call.” After consulting several friends, who assured me that
such a high price tag would be “worth it” I ordered the
ticket and took the ride.

I haven’t
seen very many Flyers games this year – only making the
home-opener in person, and being without cable TV. I’ve also
never played one minute of hockey in my entire life. So, rather than
insult your collective intelligence with completely unqualified
analysis – instead I present a quick series of tips on how to
survive a Flyers playoff game at the Wachovia Center. Many of these
things are applicable to other big-time events at the Wach, and have
been compiled from years of personal experience.

Rule
#1: Take the subway

The Broad St. line
is a thing of beauty. All you do is sit there. You don’t have
to deal with any traffic, and you get dropped off closer to the venue
than you can park your car – unless you have a Lexus. Apropos
of that – as I passed the “preferred” parking lot
on my way in, a group of tailgaters started chanting “Lex-US,
Lex-US,” at a late arriving Lexus driver looking for a spot. It
was pretty hilarious.

Rule
#2: Bring your own booze

Not
only are the beers inside the Wachovia Center $7.50 a pop - it’s
all shitty beer. There is one stand in the upper level that usually
has Hop-Devil, but otherwise you’re waiting in a 15-minute line
for a Bud Lite. I’ve never once been touched by security
entering a Flyers game – only had a metal-detecting wand lazily
waved in my general direction. Put a few beers right in your pockets,
you’ll save precious time and money once inside. (note to
editor: if this is inappropriate – or overly-incriminating,
leave it out … [vagina])

Rule
#3: Go directly to your seat

Don’t buy
food, don’t buy beer, don’t use the bathroom – go
directly to your section before taking care of all that. You want to
be close to home base anyway – and it’s a good idea to
find out where your seat is before all the commotion starts.

Rule
#4: Watch the game

One
thing that always impresses me about Flyers fans – more so than
any other fan-base of any other sport I’ve been to – is
how attentive they are during the game. Everyone in the entire place
is following the puck. You never hear any bullshit conversations
about anything besides the action. People aren’t even really
talking to each other – rather just commenting out loud, like
one big collective stream-of-consciousness for an entire section.
This is a really great thing – especially for someone like
myself, who doesn’t have a digi-level of hockey knowledge. You start to notice intricacies that you wouldn’t
have otherwise, because some fired up fan three rows behind you is
screaming about it.

Rule
#5: Keep Moving During Intermission

I have no patience
for long lines – especially when I have to piss. The bathrooms
in the upper level of the Wach are not equipped to handle the
intermission traffic of a sold-out Flyers game. There isn’t
even a “line,” just a large bunching of men cramming the
entrance and exit. I recommend you get downstairs and head for the
bathrooms in the back of the Cingular Pavilion. There aren’t as
many urinals, but no one is hanging out there during the game, so
there isn’t any line. You can make it there and back in the
time it would take you to piss yourself in line upstairs.

Rule
#6: Ignore Thoughts that the Flyers are on Quaaludes

I mentioned before
that I haven’t seen too many Flyers games this year – but
every time I do – it always seems like the same problems.
‘Slow’ isn’t the right word, but it’s the
first that comes to mind. The Flyers constantly seem a step behind
other teams – especially on defense. Whenever the Capitals
would get a turnover, they would be back in the Flyers zone, and
set-up before the rest of our players could even get down there.
Often times you will see one player deftly weave through four
different Flyers, uncontested to the net. It’s great to be
physical and tough – but if you are constantly lumbering after
the other team, hard-checking is only gonna get you so far. Biron,
who played his ass off last night – can’t be expected to
take on Ovechkin one-on-one, with plenty of room to work with in
front of the net – and no Flyer within 2 blue lines of him.
Washington outskated the Flyers last night. Even though the
shots-on-goal were relatively close, it sure didn’t feel like
that; with the Capitals speeding into our zone with grace and ease,
and the Flyers totally unable to capitalize on their own breakaway
situations.

Rule
#7: Keep Your Head Up

There sure are a
lot of “negative nancies” among the ranks of Flyers fans.
The guy sitting right next to me (who was no older than 25) started
screaming “it’s over!” the second the Caps took the
lead. From that point on, he didn’t have a single positive
thing to say for the rest of the night. I’m all for BOO’ing
our teams when they play like shit – but this guy was
bellowing: “Go home! I’ll see you on the golf course!”
with well over 6 minutes left to play. Thanks buddy, thanks for
coming out. That’s the tragedy of this generation of
Philadelphia sports fans. All they’ve ever known is
disappointment after crushing disappointment, so they can’t
allow themselves hope of anything else. They’d rather insist
that the team will “blow it” - and be able to say “I
told you so” - than set themselves up for another huge
let-down.

This is the
mentality that needs to change. I’m not suggesting blind
optimism; but it does no one any good – players or fans –
to be constantly expecting a collapse. I believe that we are on the
cusp of Philadelphia Sports Renaissance. We have four young teams
with fresh and talented players – all with something to prove.
(yes, even the Eagles, in some aspects) Now more than ever is a time
to get behind them and expect – rather, demand - great things
to come. Starting with Game 7.

-J.M.