Jan 31, 2014, 10:32 AM EDT
This tiny woman ate 363 wings. Matt Stairs was chugging beers like he’s Stone Cold Steve Austin in a Phillies jersey. What did Jason Kelce do?
He ate 65 wings in 14 minutes. All that hype, and Kelce didn’t even qualify for the second round. Disgraceful.
Doesn’t it seem like the center for the Philadelphia Eagles should be able to house more than 65 wings? This ain’t the Jacksonville Jaguars, Jason. This is a storied franchise that’s been in existence since 1933. The fans here demand more.
Chuck Bednarik played center AND linebacker for the Birds, which by the way I just realized is a massive hole in Kelce’s game. There is no doubt in my mind that even at the age of 88, Concrete Charlie would destroy Kelce in a wing-eating competition. The Hall of Famer would probably eat the bones too, and not in the semi-hilarious KFC commercial way. You’d know he was eating the bones from the crunching sound they were making.
That’s the sound intimidation makes.
Sure, Kelce was billed as being undersized when the team drafted him in 2011, but 65 wings is really all he can handle? I know retail store managers, graphic designers and male nurses who could top that. He’s supposed to be an offensive lineman!
Really starting to question whether this guy is worth the big-money contract extension coming his way. Kelce may have held the top cumulative score among NFL centers this season according to Pro Football Focus, but put a plate of wings in front of him and suddenly he can’t get to the second level.
And did he trim his beard? You better not have trimmed your beard, Kelce!
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