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The Evster

  1. The Evster’s NBA Playoff Preview

    Apr 18, 2014, 8:24 AM EDT


    This is not an NBA Playoff preview. I don’t know why I called it that. I guess I figured no one would click on a link titled “Some Things The Evster Felt Like Talking About This Week on a Blog That Actually Pays Him to Write Stuff.” But then again, it’s not like you think you’re about to get legit…

  2. The Evster checks in with Ben Revere’s Twitter account

    Mar 14, 2014, 8:13 AM EDT

    ben ice cream

    When I was around 10 years old, I bumped into former Sixer and all-around terrible basketball player, Bob Thornton, at the Acme on City Line Ave. No seriously, I walked right into him. Like, right into his leg. I was looking for Skittles and he was waiting in line to buy ice cream and a…

  3. Meta-Blogging: ZooWithRoy and The Evster dive yet deeper into Iranian basketball, focus on sideburns

    Feb 28, 2014, 12:00 PM EDT


    ZWR: As I do every Friday morning, I sat down with a cup of coffee and immediately pulled up The700Level to check out The Evster’s latest jawn. Seriously, I never work on Friday mornings. This post is evidence of that, because I’m doing it right after reading the column. Not working. Suck it, the man.…

  4. The Evster checks in on that Iranian rebounder dude the Sixers drafted

    Feb 28, 2014, 8:15 AM EDT

    arsalan reverse wicker

    On Wednesday night, the Sixers trotted out a starting lineup that consisted of Michael Carter-Williams, Thaddeus Young, one of those blue velcro shoes that they give to old people recovering from foot surgery, a child in an overcoat, and an abandoned building from 24th and Lehigh. Not exactly the best NBA team to ever take…

  5. The Evster’s Super Bowl Punter Breakdown

    Jan 31, 2014, 8:11 AM EDT

    jr hair

    This year, Demaryious Thomas led the Broncos with 92 catches for 1,430 yards and 14 touchdowns, but do you know how many punts he had land inside the 20? ZERO. In the NFC Championship game, Russell Wilson threw a go-ahead 4th-quarter touchdown, but where was he when the Seahawks were forced to punt on 4th and…

  6. The Evster spends a day reffing 6th grade girls basketball

    Jan 17, 2014, 8:15 AM EDT


    It’s not easy to take your pants off in the driver’s seat of a 1999 Nissan Altima. But for some reason, that’s what I chose to do on a cold, January morning, in the parking lot of a local suburban high school. Relax, the lot was pretty much empty — except for one beat-up station…

  7. The Evster: The best (and worst) feelings in sports

    Jan 10, 2014, 8:11 AM EDT

    wiffle ball

    Sadly, most of us will never dunk on a dude’s neck. Or turn on an inside fastball and send it over the Green Monster. But for some stupid reason, we still love to compete. From skating on ice that’s just been Zamboni’ed to having Wes Welker fall to the 6th round of your draft, these…

  8. The Evster: What kinda name is Drew Brees anyway?

    Jan 3, 2014, 8:02 AM EDT


    Ready for some quick, mind-blowing, knock-your-balls-off Evster research? The name Drew is of Welsh origin meaning “wise” (seriously, I looked it up), so it’s only fitting that Drew Brees would grow up to be one of football’s all-time smartest quarterbacks. Strong arm? Sure. Accurate? Absolutely. Lame haircut? You know it. But what sets Drew apart…

  9. The Evster’s Guide to Hating the Bears

    Dec 20, 2013, 8:02 AM EDT

    Bill Murray

    When I say, “KILL!” you say, “BEARS!” KILL! BEARS! KILL! Welllllllllllll, I sort of really like bears. Both the animal and the football team. They’re so furry and cuddly, and have never changed their helmets, and even though Philly fans are supposed to be the ANGRIEST fans around, it’s kinda hard to hate a city…

  10. The Evster breaks down this year’s Heisman hopefuls

    Dec 6, 2013, 7:11 AM EDT


    Everyone loves a Heisman winner (except Rashaan Salaam, that guy sucked). And next Saturday night, another strapping, brooding, virile young man will join college football’s most exclusive fraternity. Soon after, the new Heisman winner will have his oil-painted portrait hung up alongside some of the finest competitors to ever play the game: like Nile Kinnick,…

  11. The Evster’s tips for having a nice time while playing football on Thanksgiving

    Nov 22, 2013, 7:15 AM EDT

    turkey bowlllllll

    On Thanksgiving day, idiots all across America will lube up with Ben Gay and attempt to play some sort of game that kind of resembles football. Most games will be intense, some will be a nightmare, all will feature at least one dickhead who insists on punting the ball during warmups. I’ve never understood why…

  12. The Evster: the Sixers are cool but the Wells Fargo Center still kinda sucks

    Nov 15, 2013, 7:22 AM EDT


    Don’t let the Sixers fool you. Despite their bonkers start, this organization is still completely and totally incompetent. I love Evan Turner, and I would jam my tongue into Michael Carter Williams’s mouth, and I am almost, almost, almost ready to cheer when Spencer Hawes makes a three-pointer, but this team still has a lot…

  13. The Evster reviews NFL Network’s ‘The Football Life: Randall Cunningham’

    Nov 8, 2013, 7:30 AM EDT

    RC JC

    Growing up, no one, and I mean NO ONE, made me lose my shit more than Randall Cunningham. Not Shawn Kemp. Not Frank Drebin. Not even the lovely ladies of Hustler magazine and their knee-high tube socks. Randall Cunningham was The Ultimate Weapon Bonkers Machine. So when I heard that the NFL Network was going to…

  14. The Evster highlights some of Tim McCarver’s best Tim McCarverisms

    Oct 29, 2013, 12:35 PM EDT


    Broadcasting SUPER LEGEND Tim McCarver is retiring after this World Series, which means we only have a few more games to soak in his greatness. As of now, it is unclear who Fox will bring on as next season’s color analyst. Rumor has it they’re grooming John Smoltz to take over, while other reports say…

  15. The Evster: 8 reasons why the Sixers should, no MUST, trade for Charlie Villanueva

    Oct 22, 2013, 11:00 AM EDT

    charlie smooth

    “If you’re going to suck butt, you might as well have fun doing it.” – Martha Washington We get it, Sam Hinkie. We really do. 0-82 … Tankapalooza … Andrew Wiggins 4 Lyfe. And we’re on board! We’re totally on board. But do the 2013-14 Sixers have to also be so incredibly boring?!?! Now that…

  16. The Evster figures out who you should root for in the MLB playoffs

    Oct 11, 2013, 7:17 AM EDT


    Even though most baseball fans could not tell you one player on the Oakland A’s, people are going bonkers for this year’s major league playoffs. Of the four teams left (the Cardinals, Dodgers, Red Sox and Tigers), all are legitimate clubs with rich histories, dope uniforms and no Chad Durbins. It’s nice that we get to see…

  17. The Evster breaks down the clammiest roster in Sixers history

    Oct 4, 2013, 7:17 AM EDT


    There are some things we know for sure about this year’s Sixers: Evan Turner will dribble around like a hunchback and shoot stepback jumpers off the side of the backboard. Thaddeus Young will make ridiculous corkscrew layups while occasionally smashing head first into the stanchion under the basket. Kwame Brown will do nothing. Absolutely nothing.…

  18. The Evster weighs in on hip, trendy bowling alleys vs. classic, colossal dumps

    Sep 27, 2013, 7:11 AM EDT

    cover bowling

    “There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don’t. My ex-wife loves him.” – Bob Wiley, What About Bob In the past decade, a seismic shift has taken place in the world of bowling alley construction. Trendy, bonkers bowling alleys like North Bowl and Lucky Strike…

  19. The Evster: Watching a Game at the Linc. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Weirdos

    Sep 20, 2013, 7:15 AM EDT

    this guy does not like to keep it down

    According to a recent survey, research shows that 83% of NFL fans prefer to watch football games from the comfort of their own homes. Only 16% would rather view the game at a stadium while one person (me) prefers to watch while peering through a third story window outside of a Saint Joseph’s University sorority…

  20. The Evster: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the San Diego Chargers, But Were Afraid to Google

    Sep 13, 2013, 9:15 AM EDT


    Ohhhhhh, baby! This Sunday rekindles the bitter rivalry between our beloved Eagles and their longtime enemies to the west, the San Diego Chargers. There’s no love lost between these two teams, like the Steelers and Browns or Duke vs North Carolina, Philadelphia and San Diego are separated by only a short 2,695 mile drive across…

  21. The Evster: So We’re Really Goin’ with Riley Cooper as our #2 WR, Huh?

    Sep 6, 2013, 12:56 PM EDT


    So what you’re telling me is that the Philadelphia Eagles – the organization who once employed Jerome Brown – is starting Riley Cooper at wide receiver. Riley Cooper. The 5th round draft pick and extremely mediocre wide receiver who also happens to have a really shafty haircut (and tends to be somewhat of a racist).…

  22. The Evster’s Guide to Annoying Sports Small Talk

    Aug 30, 2013, 10:23 AM EDT


    Labor Day is an excuse to BBQ. And BBQs are an excuse to eat massive amounts of food, run through sprinklers with your dog, and take a bunch of hallucinogenics with your whacked-out neighbor, Carl. Unfortunately, most BBQs also require you to talk sports with grown men wearing socks and flip flops. That’s all right though,…

  23. The Evster’s Guide to the NFL’s Old Faces in New Places

    Aug 23, 2013, 7:55 AM EDT

    Danny Woodhead

    Last week during my fantasy football draft, I was shocked to find out how many important players switched teams this summer. As the clock ticked down and my blood pressure rose, I scrambled through cheat sheets and depth charts in an effort to figure out which players would elevate their games in their new surroundings.…

  24. The Evster Asks “What Kind of Soccer Fan Are You?”

    Aug 16, 2013, 10:46 AM EDT

    Just a guy wearing a horse head.

    Like it or not, soccer fever has swept the US. And while casual fans are experiencing some light sniffles before the new season, a host of white people have become fully consumed by the virus, barfing their brains out in anticipation of this weekend’s fixtures. On Saturday and Sunday morning, they will invade our pubs, wear…

  25. The Evster Gives Chip Kelly Some Tips Before his Debut

    Aug 9, 2013, 10:06 AM EDT

    Chip Kelly

    Hi Chip. Big game Friday night. Well, not really. It’s just preseason, it doesn’t really matter, and in the grand scheme of things (and in the grand scheme of the world), this is probably one of the least mattering events of all time. Unfortunately, you coach in a town filled with raging lunatics, so it…