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Tolley Sunshine or: How I Made it Through the Birds’ Preseason Game

Aug 28, 2010, 10:15 AM EDT

I grew up here, so I am more than familiar with Don Tollefson’s body of work. By all accounts he’s a terrific guy who tirelessly supports and promotes local charities. He’s also, by a wide margin, the most optimistic person to ever walk the face of the earth. He makes Pat Croce seem depressed.

He has a unique ability to find the silver lining in any, and I stress any, situation. For years my friends and I have dropped “he’s an alllllllll arounnnndddd gooooooood guy” references in our best Tolley/Quagmire voice.

His sunny disposition was once again on display last night during the Eagles/Chiefs game. He was so happy and so positive that he inspired me to tweet a bunch of “If Tolley Called (insert tragedy here)“. I’ve copied/pasted them after the jump.


-Don Tollefson calling Katrina disaster: “What a great, great job by FEMA. The levees stood tall in adverse conditions.Thanks, Mother Nature”


-Don Tollefson calling the Hindenbug disaster: an achievement in engineering. the germans are truly talented. a terrific bit of pyrotechnics.

-Don Tollefson calling crash of Titanic: what a glorious majestic iceberg. deck chairs are heavenly. love cold water – gets the blood flowing

-Don Tollefson calling Jonestown Massacre: Guyana’s beautiful. Trust me, Jim Jones makes the most delicious Kool-Aid. The cyanide’s terrific.

-Don Tollefson calling Lidge’s 9th v SD last night: You’ve got to admire Brad Lidge not taking the easy way out. He craves adversity. Love seeing a balk

Perhaps it’s because we’re in Philly and optimism like that is so atypical, to the point of being disconcerting. All I know is that Tolley makes Pollyanna seem like a greedy, obnoxious, selfish little brat. Oh Tolley, with your positivity.

I’ll leave you with one more fake Tolley call. This is Tolley calling the Monday Night Football game where Lawrence Taylor annihilated Joe Theisman’s leg/career: LT with a terrific bit of sportsmanship by leaving Joey T’s head connected to his shoulders. He could have decapitated him, but because he treats people so well he held up a bit. LT seems really high…on life. And how about that beautiful bone structure Theisman’s showing off? His femur is a work of art. Great job by both guys there.

Feel free to share your best fake Tolly call of any famous event in the comments.